The Hawthorne Habitat

This is the talk I gave in sacrement meeting today at church. I tried not to read it so it wasn't exactly the same, but you get the idea...

Do we really understand what it means when we say that we are all children of God?
I’ve recently been thinking about it a lot and have realized something that I always knew, but never fully comprehended until now. These two amazingly beautiful children that I have carried for 9 months and given birth to are in fact children of God. They had a Mother and Father before me. They have parents that love them completely, probably even more than I could even begin to understand. I’ve tried to imagine the day that they sent them here to be with us. I’ve tried to imagine a Mother handing over her child to someone else. Someone that she knows will make mistakes with her children. Try to imagine for a moment what it must feel like when they send their children somewhere that they know won’t be easy. Somewhere their child will be abused. Somewhere their child will be taught that their Heavenly parents do not even exist. How heart breaking it must be.

So once I had that in perspective I started seeing my children through God’s eyes. I started imagining what He would be thinking when He watches me teach my children. I’ve started to parent differently. I’m trying to be kinder, gentler and more patient. I’m trying to be a better example to my children, to God’s children.

My talk today is about teaching our children by example. I think it’s important to point out the fact that these children we’re teaching aren’t just ours. It helps us put our thoughts and actions into perspective. Once we see our children through Heavenly Father’s eyes, it makes it hard to treat them with anything less than love and kindness. Of course it is easy to forget when you’re busy getting through the day, but I try to stop every now and then and take the time to acknowledge my Father in heaven. If I leave my children with someone else to babysit, I like to call while I’m out and make sure they’re doing ok. And I’m sure that’s what it’s like for Heavenly Father. He wants us to check in with him often and let him know how his children are doing. He wants to know that we’re taking care of them and teaching them about their loving Father in heaven. He wants to know that we’re creating a righteous example for our children to follow.

There is an ad on TV that I think is really powerful. It shows many different scenes of children with their parents. The children are copying exactly what they see their parents do. One is shouting abuse in the car, one is screaming at her baby, one is smoking, and one is hitting his wife. At the end of the commercial it simply says – “Children See. Children Do”. It’s such a powerful message they’re trying to get across. Children are so quick to copy everything they see. We need to be aware of the fact that there are little eyes watching everything we do.

I can already see this in Xander. He copies the way I brush my teeth, write the shopping list, talk to his sister Lilah, and eat my dinner…it’s like having a parrot in the house. But it’s not just the positive things he copies, and that’s where I get myself into trouble. The day that Xander told me that I drive him nuts was a bit of a wake up call for me. Hearing those words come out of a two year olds mouth really makes you stop and think. Is that what I sound like? I’ve started becoming very conscious of the things that I say now.

What does it mean to teach our children by example?

Said President Young: “if parents will continually set before their children examples worthy of their imitation and the approval of our Father in heaven, they will turn the current, and the tide of feelings of their children, and they, eventually, will desire righteousness more than evil.”

If we are going to be examples to our children, who is going to be our example?
Elder Delbert L. Stapley said - Those who teach or lead in God’s kingdom must remember that Christ is the great exemplar to them, and rightly so. Therefore, all leaders and teachers called to labor in his vineyard accept a great responsibility when they expect others to live up to gospel principles, standards, and ideals in order to enjoy the privileges and blessings of the gospel, yet fail themselves to maintain these requirements in their own personal lives.
Jesus Christ is our example. As children we rely on our parent’s example to teach us the right thing to do. When we grow up we learn about our brother who lived and died for us. We learn about his amazing life and the love that he has for each and every one of us. It is then we realize that while our parents did the best they could, there is a better, more perfect, example for us. One that will show us everything we need to do in order to return to live with our Father in heaven.

President Ezra Taft Benson said about Christ’s marvelous example: “Nearly two thousand years ago a perfect Man walked the earth—Jesus the Christ. … In His life, all the virtues were lived and kept in perfect balance; He taught men truth—that they might be free; His example and precepts provide the great standard—the only sure way—for all mankind”

Now that we know who our example is, what can we learn from him that will help us be righteous examples for our children? The Savior once said, Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.

First and foremost our Saviour loved his Father. He loved his Father so much that he was willing to do anything he asked of him, which included suffering and dying for his Father’s children – his brothers and sisters. If we can first teach our children to love their Father in heaven, everything else will fall into place. The first and greatest commandment reads: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength”

Why did God put the first commandment first? Because He knew that if we truly loved Him we would want to keep all of His other commandments. “For this is the love of God,” says John, “that we keep his commandments”. If we can teach our children to really love their Father in heaven, they will want to do everything they can to keep his commandments.

Of course there are the obvious things we need to do as examples. We need to read our scriptures often and show our children the importance of them in our lives. We need to pray several times a day and show them that God is a part of our lives, that we love him and know him. We need to take our children to church, behave reverently and listen in classes. We need to fulfill our callings and show them that we are willing to sacrifice our time and efforts. We need to be of service to those around us and show them that it’s important to think about others before ourselves.

One of the greatest examples we can give our children is that of a loving and nurturing relationship between a husband and wife. Our children will learn how to communicate, interact with and love their spouse by seeing our relationship grow and develop. It’s especially important to never fight in front of them. They need to see us speaking in loving tones, supporting each other and enjoying each others company. If we want our children to grow up and have a loving, healthy relationship then we need to show them how to have one. I have 4 siblings that are married to 4 wonderful people. We are all happily married and we enjoy the blessings that come from eternal marriage. I whole heartedly believe that if it weren’t for the example of our parent’s loving relationship, we wouldn’t be as happy as we are.

Another example we need to set for our children is honesty. My parents have always taught my siblings and me the importance of being honest. In our house it was never even an option to lie about something. I learnt very early on that lying will never bring me happiness and I learnt that from my parents.

We need to teach our children the importance of education and we can do that by studying ourselves. How can we expect our children to do well in school and continue studying afterwards, if we haven’t done that ourselves?

I don’t think I can speak about teaching by example without touching on the effect that a bad example can have on children. Children are so easily influenced. They will believe anything you say and will copy anything you do. When you are a parent and you choose to sin, you are not only effecting yourself. You are teaching your children to copy your actions.

Parents have a great responsibility placed on their shoulders. It is our job to raise these sons and daughters of God in righteousness so that they can become everything their Father in heaven would want them to be.

Merlin R. Lybbert said - Parents in Zion have the special responsibility of teaching and training their children in righteousness. They are to be taught “to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old.” Otherwise, the Lord declared, “the sin be upon the heads of the parents” (D&C 68:25). This teaching is to be done before a child reaches the age of accountability, and while innocent and sin-free. This is protected time for parents to teach the principles and ordinances of salvation to their children without interference from Satan. It is a time to dress them in armor in preparation for the battle against sin. When this preparation time is neglected, they are left vulnerable to the enemy. To permit a child to enter into that period of his life when he will be buffeted and tempted by the evil one, without faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and an understanding of the basic principles of the gospel, is to set him adrift in a world of wickedness. During these formative, innocent years, a child may learn wrong behavior; but such is not the result of Satan’s temptations, but comes from the wrong teachings and the bad example of others. In this context, the Savior’s harsh judgment of adults who offend children is better understood, wherein he said, “It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones."

It is my witness that our kind and loving Heavenly Father has made special allowances for little children, consistent with their innocence and the eternal principle of agency. It is also my witness that he gave parents, and all adults, the responsibility of properly teaching and protecting them. Offenders of these little ones face a divine wrath. The Savior’s injunction to become as a little child is an invitation to purify our lives that we also may stand blameless before Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

She was staring out the window of their SUV

Complaning, saying "I can't wait to turn 18"
She said "I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules"
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said "I was just like you"

You're gonna miss this You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her "It's a nice place"
She says "It'll do for now"
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says "Baby, just slow down

Cause you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now